If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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