My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
