we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
