I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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