Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
