So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
