at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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