I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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