You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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