saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
