It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
