My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
