I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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