when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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