Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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