Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
