fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your cock deserves a montage
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
