sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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