stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
