I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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