the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
YAS. BRING CRAB.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
