Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
