The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
im on a boat
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