I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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