he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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