I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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