Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
