He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
