Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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