So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
