Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
