My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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