Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize