I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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