Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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