lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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