That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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