just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
