did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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