Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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