Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
