If that was your dad, he is hot
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
