last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
