I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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