the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
