hell yes lets make some ravioli
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
