If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
