sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
