The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
