I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
