Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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