Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
