what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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