so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
