You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
