I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
