I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
