forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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