Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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