Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
