best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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