I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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