I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
