i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
