it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
