guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
