I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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