i don't plan on having that self control this summer
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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