You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
