She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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