Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just blew my weed a kiss
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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